Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What is DUMPING, exactly???
Sara T.

Sara, the one thing Dumping is not, is pretty.

And while it is horribly named, and the name is not precisely in line with the nature of the thing itself, it does fit. I mean, in the most juvenile sense, it is you taking a dump. But look on the bright side – it’s also a fanTASTIC automatic safety precaution to stop you from total overindulgence. I say “fantastic” because it is spot-on reliable, baby.

Dumping is a side effect of the surgery that occurs when you take in refined sugar. Oddly, for some, it can also happen when you take in anything that truly disrupts your intestines (and this is different for everyone. Oh, hello there, Salad. I see you lurking over there. You will not win.) The word “Dumping,” by the way, means, “sugar being dumped out of your intestine.” They did not mean it in the Archie Bunker-esque sense when they named this side effect, but still, again…it fits.

Here’s a little textbook copy on Dumping:

“Dumping occurs when the patient eats refined sugar following gastric bypass. This causes symptoms of rapid heart beat, nausea, tremor and faint feeling, usually followed by diarrhea.“

Now, here’s how it really goes for most people (me included):

Eat sugar. A decent amount of it.
Wait ten minutes until you feel a strong rumbling in your stomach.
Run to the bathroom like your life depends on it.
Dump. A lot.

I personally have not experienced Dumping in the afore-mentioned textbook sense, by which I mean that I have never had the rapid sweating, passing out on the floor, writhing, moaning, fainting thing. But it’s not to say I haven’t heard of that happening. For me, it’s just that I have avoided large amounts of sugar since day one out of fear of Dumping. Fear works for me. Every time.

But let’s talk about my friend Beth. In her second week out of the hospital, Beth decided that she’d “been good” and wanted to “spoil herself” and boy, did she. Beth had to have a Dove Bar and she felt she’d earned it. So she did. And from her husband’s retelling of events, it seems that Beth passed out cold on the kitchen floor after yelling, crying and gripping her stomach inconsolably for ten minutes. She also eliminated all over herself. Her husband rushed her to the hospital but she was perfectly restored to normal before he even got her in the Emergency Room doors.

Now that is Dumping for the newbie who is willing to risk it all for a Dove Bar. It’s a cautionary tale, Sara. And, really, is a Dove Bar ever really worth it, in the end? I’ve actually never had one of those, and I suppose it’s a personal choice people have to make for themself, eh?

GB Girl


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