When you're sliding into first

And your pants begin to burst

diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into two

And your pants are filled with goo

diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into third

And you feel a greasy turd

diarrhea, diarrhea

Yeah. OK, so I am like that 7th grade kid back in Woodland Jr. High (Long Island, NY, folks...which should explain a lot) who banged smaller guy's heads into lockers and screeched the lyrics to The Diarrhea Song to any girl who passed him on the lunch line...what can I say? The scars of childhood.

Let's get to today's letter:

Dear Gb Girl: I am almost 9 months out of surgery. Roux-en-Y. I am having diarrhea every single day at this point. My surgeon’s office said there’s nothing they can do and nothing to be done even if they wanted to. They said it’s normal. Is that true? I didn’t read that anywhere and they never told me this might happen.
Casi B.
Detroit, MI

First off, don’t you hate the name of that procedure? RUIN Y ?! Y RUIN !!? As in WHY RUIN MY STOMACH ??!! But I digress…OK, I love your letter so much, Casi, because this is one of those unfathomably IGNORED issues that is very MUCH an issue. You WILL have diarrhea. Lots and lots and lots of it. It can start almost a year out of surgery or any time after that. I, myself, am still in the honeymoon/diarrhea phase of my post-surgical life and so I want to introduce you to my very good new friend: Casi…meet Imodium D. Your stomach and, moreso, your intestines, are still trying to adjust to their new surroundings. They’re in the nesting phase. Getting used to the curtains…the view…Any little thing can rupture this peaceful situation and will do so, any chance it gets. Once you are closer to 2 – 2 1/2 years out of surgery, the diarrhea will stop…or lessen to a very great degree.

Sooooo many of the letters I get tell me this all the time, so that’s how I know it is true…not because a nurse in a doctor’s office told me so. Unless, of course, she’s a nurse who HAD this procedure. Just take your Imodium, avoid eating anything that’s making your particular situation even worse (Oh, and look - in walks in my main nemesis: SALAD, anyone??), drink water drink water drink water as much as you can…diarrhea is terribly dehydrating, and keep bananas around the house. They bind you up.

But see, there again, though…that’s up to your new body…I was told that rice binds everyone up, no matter what, so I tried it. I lived inside the toilet bowl for like 3 days after that. Rice does not bind me up. I know you wanted a more pleasant answer but this is all there is, Casi. The truth aint pretty. Oh, and keep a can of Lysol around, k?

GB Girl